"It's too late for a Christmas movie!" "You dropped the ball on this one." Did I use enough sarcasm in your fake voices? See, this is an instance where an inside joke to myself trumps timeliness or even sensibility really. I wanted to do this movie for the sole and total purpose of me laughing at my own stupid joke - and I'm all the happier for it. This isn't exactly a spring chicken of a movie, it's been around for some time now and no doubt most have seen it. Well, maybe not the newer folks - most the television airtime around winter is devoted to non-stop re-runs of Christmas Story and it's sequel (heaven knows I just discovered that was a thing this year), so the lesser know like this doesn't feel as though it gets nearly as much airtime (and most the rest of us are too busy watching Die Hard to care). Should this be added back into your viewing rotation? Lets check for temperature before we go for the knob.
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I generally stray away from Christmas movies - I'm one of those people who usually get mildly bummed out by the holiday, particularly after being forced to watch A Christmas Story for the eleven bazillionth time as the lazy television stations all show it on repeat. That being said, time flows by and sometimes things change - I still don't want to watch A Christmas Story pretty much ever again in my life, but sometimes it feels like busting one out from the vault isn't such a terrible idea. This is one of those years, and our entry is not only that but a musical - what most of my kind would consider a "double whammy," considering my usual dislike of musicals to boot. You know what though? Maybe a trip to the past is just what everybody needs this season.
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Sometimes you really have the fight the urge to just phone in a movie review piece. I mean, who hasn't seen Spaceballs before? It's almost underhanded for me to put it up so close to the new Star Wars flick's release date - but considering the fact that thus far I have been doing this entirely without profit or earnings, I feel it more proper to call it "getting my engine revved up for another movie I'm excited about." For the science fictions fans who want to laugh, we all know that this option throws the biggest balls around.
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Disney movie that contains no snow in December. Meh, my list of "not Christmas but during Christmas" flicks are running pretty thin, unless i dig into the "make people suffer this trash" tiers or someone introduces me to some I don't know. At any rate, get your "culturally insensitive" safari hats (because that's the world we live in) on, it's time to hop in the jungle and learn that even in nature, cats are still jerks even when every other animal can talk are friendlier than most people.
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A new Final Fantasy game is out, and with it we somehow got another movie too. So far, I've enjoyed the other two movie entries so I have no reason to not think I'll enjoy this right? Well, this week we get to find out the easy way! Get them throwing weapons out and ready up that Firaga, it's time to have ourselves another fantasy!
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Boxing is a sport of two titans entering a ring and rending closed parts of faces and internal organs with blunt force. It can be such a brutal dance, although in real life it's also a lot of circling and tactically looking for the best chance to drop that hammer of a fist into your opponents jawline for maximum effectiveness. Back in the day, Rocky brought a little something else to boxing besides just an underdog story - a human drama beyond the ring. Take it or leave it, the staying power of the series has proven itself many a time, with the biggest question to most as time goes on "how long can Stallone really be Rocky?" Creed tries to answer that with a new direction, and it's our time to see if it can rise up to the challenge.
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The turtle ninjas have had a long track record of having movies that weren't "great" but still enjoyable for the most part. Even the last entry (before this one) was enjoyable, had aspects o fit that I really enjoyed. This time around, the makers have listened to the crowds and given them what they wanted - more mutants, more aliens, more Casey Jones. Will it be all we wanted and more, or will we find that sometimes (as science once said), we are too caught up in the 'can we' that we don't even think of the 'should we.'
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Many may remember the concatenated review when this movie first hit theaters. If you haven't seen it, I'd still recommend you go and read that one instead of this one since this one will talk a bit about plot. Not that it matters too much, but really it's just so much more enjoyable if you go into the movie not knowing anything about it - why? Because it's a fresh little surprise. Brush up on your Russian, it's time to break some floors.
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With leaves falling in waves, I figured we'd capitalize on it by showing a surf movie! If anyone saw that coming, you best consider yourself psychic and start going after some lottery tickets or something, cause you've got a gift. A gift, much like our titular Surf Ninjas! As always, feeling obligated to leave a cliffhanger to further draw you in to the opinion piece, I'll throw in a pun here so I can (largely) spare you them later. Is this reel most excellent, or will it be all washed up?
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I promised people some nostalgia, I give some nostalgia. Goosebumps is one of those things that I'd be hard pressed to imagine a person not hearing about. The books that we all used to read as kids, the television show, even just the fundamental premise of spooky stories that aren't so hard-laced as to be unapproachable by children - things of nightmare, and yet still child-like. Certainly, what once haunted us as kids could be left behind as age stacks like the volumes of books available though, only to find one day an old name coming back to the light as something new. Tonight's entry - the 2015 Goosebumps movie. I'll try not to pun you to death.
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I said this month was going to be nostalgia-fueled, but I never said that there wouldn't be newer movies in the mix. See, for a lot of us Ghostbusters (the original) holds a place in our hearts - hence nostalgia. From the fist announcement of this movie though, it's been a veritable reckoning of heated opinions - and probably one of the most disliked trailers I've ever seen on Youtube. Alas, I'm not one to skip a movie simply based on other people opinions, so I strap myself to an untested nuclear accelerator to find out if what we have is a big old delicious Twinkie or maybe I should have just said I was a god.
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It wouldn't be a proper trip down memory lane for most people if it didn't involve in some shape or form Disney. I can only conceive some Disney thinkers surrounding a cauldron, mixing in some typical formulas, some kid actors, some Halloween spirit, and someone just bumbles in the Three Stooges prompting them all to look on in shock and awe as their brew comes to life. Is it awesome, or is it awful? Did it withstand the test of time when years later that haunting nostalgia gets added to the witching brew? Saddle your broom and lets find out.
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I think this October is going to be something a little... different. I've spent such a long time on a "scary" movie kick that I find myself free of the shackles of searching for something that will chill me to the bone, and as such find myself drawn to a new premise on this month culminating in everyone's favorite excuse to dress up. To start off this more light-hearted, nostalgia filled October, I figured we'd go back - way back - to a little castle in Britain. Rattle your chains and ready your dance number, it's time to see of this ghost will bring us laughs as he drains our color.
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We've had an assorted set of movies as of recently, but I thought it was time to get back to the genre I know and love - some good old brainless action! Having heard of this entirely first person action flick from various sources, I figured "hey, that sounds like it should be some pretty brainless fun!" The question is, can a movie work with what some might call a video game premise (down to a silent protagonist) or will Henry have a hardcore faceplant?
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So you fancy yourself a sleuth aye? Got Sherlock level detective skills that would make Batman jealous huh? Such a hardcore private eye that your completely colorblind and only see black and white and shades of grey? Is this movie about you, or are you because this movie? This is another one of those movies that you've either heard of - it's kind of a big deal from what I can tell in the mysterious black and white world - or it's probably much too old for you and you've got no idea what a maltese is, let alone a falcon. Let's find out if you should really remedy that.
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Coming hot off of slow-burn horror with people in the woods, I figured you all could use something more uplifting. As such, we brought out some good classy comedy featuring that zany musician a bunch of us all know and enjoy - Weird Al. Quirky and loony fun is sure to ensue, but will it draw some laughter from us to erase the witches of the past, or do we find ourselves cursed with a realization that maybe those old comedies aren't as funny as we thought they were?
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Did you know there was a new Blair Witch movie coming out? Yeah, surprised me too - and after realizing how little about the first one I actually remember, you would think that I would cash in on that by doing the original or it's mostly down-trodden sequel right? Wrong! You get creepy folktale witch movie without found footage nonsense! How do you like them golden snitches eh?
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I bet that somewhere out there, at this very moment, there are people who either haven't heard the phrase or don't understand the phrase "Silver Screen." I wouldn't hold it against anyone honestly, media of all kinds is very much one of those things that gets passed down from a generation as preferential recommendations, and not everyone can get over such arbitrary things as a colorized screen or up-to-date effects. For me however, tapping into the "old world" just means access to new (for me) stories from a time when storytelling had very different means. Put on you pinstripes gentlefolk, it's time to delve into a mystery!
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With so many Sherlocks floating about, one could wonder what sets one Holmes apart from another Holmes. Sure, we have the "best batman movie ever" action-fiesta Holmes staring Iron Man, and we have the Cumberbatch Holmes, and of course modern-spin Holmes and old-fashioned Holmes. Of all the Holmes on the market though, I've only really noticed this one Old Holmes movie. Dress for success, and let's see if this old Holmes still got it.
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Like you didn't see this review coming. People across the webs cry out in outrage! Fanboys form new ground-locked lakes with their angry tears! With such a racket - one that I'd argue was only surpassed by all the mass negativity towards Gods of Egypt - how could I not be expected to watch this thing and figure out what all the hubbub was about? Batten the hatches and pick your team, my opinions coming whether the signal shines or not.
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